Chronological Disorder
by Nessa Elendil
Summary: [Jus' got him outta the ruins, poor little thing, with a great slash across his forehead, an' his parents dead . . .an' Sirius Black turns up, on that flyin' motorbike he used ter ride.] Hagrid]] What if Sirius had gotten there first?
1. Chapter One

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****_Disclaimer: What can be found in Rowling's books are hers, the rest (that no one else has a claim to) is mine._**

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_Chapter One_

**October 31, 1981**

Lihou Island

Thankfully, it was dark and deserted as Sirius Black landed on the small island of Lihou in the English Channel. Since he was a wizard, the Muggle repelling charms that had been placed around this empty area did not affect him, only the anti-apparation one and the Fidelius Charm; but Sirius had flown there, and since he was the Secret Keeper for this place, he only had to think the address to see a makeshift shack appear from what seemed like out of nowhere. Sirius removed the Disillusionment Charm he had placed on himself and his flying motorcycle (just incase some Muggle decided to look up at the night sky and saw a man on a motorbike flying across the waxing moon. Sirius, though an Auror of two years, had been in trouble with the Ministry of Magic before, and didn't feel like explaining to them why he had a motorbike that could fly.)

Cautiously, Sirius took his wand out of his back pocket and made his way to the shack. He had recently learned that the dark wizard he had spent the last five years of his life fighting against in the Order of the Phoenix (a group of witches and wizards brought together by Albus Dumbledore to stop the destruction Lord Voldemort, the Dark Lord, was spreading) was out to kill his two best friends and their year old son, his godson. That was the reason behind his being here tonight. The man who was at this shack was the Secret Keeper for the Potters. Sirius had derived a brilliant plan; when the Potters had to go into hiding, James Potter had insisted on Sirius being their Secret Keeper, Sirius believed that would be too obvious and convinced them to change Secret Keepers to Peter Pettigrew, another friend of the Potters and Sirius. James' wife, Lily, had told them that if they were going to switch Secret Keepers, she would feel safer with them switching to a third friend of theirs, Remus Lupin, but Sirius had reason to believe that Lupin had turned spy for Voldemort and was leaking information to him from the Order, including information on the Potters. See, Remus Lupin was a werewolf, and Voldemort was recruiting more and more of them to his cause everyday, even "good" ones like the werewolf Sirius and James had dubbed "Moony" during their time at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where they had all met.

It was known that a spy from Dumbledore's Order was passing information to Lord Voldemort, and it was someone close to the Potters. Sirius wasn't willing to take any chances with his old pal Moony, and convinced James that Peter, a.k.a. Wormtail the Rat, would be the better choice for Secret Keeper of all three of them. But something tonight didn't feel right, something felt off, and Sirius couldn't place it. He was thinking that it may have something to do with Wormtail, and therefore James, Lily, and his godson Harry, but that was absurd. No one had known of the switch except for the Potters, Sirius, and Peter, and no one except Sirius and Peter knew where Peter was hiding. Even if Remus decided to show his true colors and attempt the murder of the Potters for his master, well, Sirius could only see that ending in the werewolf's death; werewolf or not, Remus Lupin was no match in a duel against James Potter, not when James was defending the people he loved the most.

Once he reached the door, Sirius took a shaky breath to try and calm his nerves. What was he so nervous about anyways? Sirius Black never got nervous, never got frightened. Wand still at hand, Sirius knocked on the door, firmly but not harshly. Thirty seconds later, (a _long_ thirty seconds) Peter still hadn't answered, and Sirius was being to grow nerv-- impatient. He knocked again. "Wormtail! Hey, Wormtail, you there? It's me, Padfoot! Open the door!" Sirius referred to himself by the name his dog Animagus form had been given at school, and tried to hide the anxiety in his voice. Still, there was no answer. "Pete, it's me, open up!" Sirius knocked again, a little harder than he had intended, and the flimsy door swung open from the force.

"_Lumos_," Sirius whispered, holding his now lit wand in the air to get a better look around the darkened room. One glance around the room told Sirius that no one, in the form or rat or man, was there. _Something must have happened to him... _was the first thing that popped into the Auror's mind. _But what?_ Peter Pettigrew was not one who enjoyed being out at night, especially not when he was alone, and especially not when he had so terrified of the danger he was in he didn't feel the least bit of comfort from being hid all the way out on Lihou, so it was out of the question that he went out for a nighttime stroll in the moonlight. Stepping inside for a better look at the place, Sirius saw that everything seemed just as it should, except the occupant of the place was missing. But the cot, chair, table, lamp, food, everything in that small shack was just where it should have been. Nothing was broken, toppled, or moved. No signs of anyone other than Peter, and Sirius of course, being in the place was evident. To Sirius, it appeared that Peter had, for whatever reason, gone out for a nighttime stroll in the moonlight, but that... that was impossible! Peter Pettigrew did _not_ just walk around outside in the middle of the night when no one was there to urge him out the door! No, something had happened, something had definitely happened. Sirius just didn't know what.

What he did know though, was that if it involved Peter, it, in all likelihood, involved James and Lily and, as much as Sirius dreaded this thought, Lupin. Knowing the answers he sought lied off of the island, Sirius ran as fast as he could out of the shack and back to his motorcycle, not caring to put the Disillusionment Charm back on, only to try and calm the feeling of worry bubbling in the pit of his stomach.

Somewhere over the English Channel

As Sirius raced to Godric's Hollow, the town that the Potters were hiding in, a terrible thought had crossed his mind. He had been thinking that Peter must have, somehow, become the victim of Voldemort's Death Eaters, that Voldemort knew Sirius wasn't the Potters' Secret Keeper. But what if... what if he had been _wrong_? What if Remus _wasn't_ the spy? It wasn't exactly secret information that Albus Dumbledore, called the greatest wizard of all time, thought Sirius to be the traitor. If Dumbledore could make a mistake like that... it wasn't impossible that Sirius couldn't either... Sirius knew that the spy was neither James nor himself... but what if it was... Peter?

No, no. _That_ was impossible.

_But why?_ asked a sneaky voice in the back of Sirius's mind. _Dumbledore obviously made that mistake. What if you did, too?_

But that would mean... No. Sirius wouldn't believe that. He wouldn't believe that his mistrust in Remus might cost his best friends, his _family_, their lives. No. Remus Lupin was the traitor. He had to be.

_But what if he _isn't

Sirius couldn't take what was pulling him apart inside. He had to find Moony, sort this out now. Before it was too late. As Sirius saw England beneath him, he changed direction ever so slightly, heading towards the home of Remus Lupin.

**November 1, 1981**

Godalming, England

It was well past midnight when Sirius landed his motorcycle in the outskirts of the town in Surrey County. Resolved in what he had to do, he knocked on the door of his fellow Marauder, Remus Lupin.

"Who is it?" Sirius heard Moony demand from the other side of the door.

"It's me," Sirius gulped. "It's-it's Padfoot. I've gotta talk to you, Moony."

Sirius heard nothing for a few moments. He knew Remus, like Dumbledore, thought him to be the spy, and had expected this. But that didn't make the wait any easier. That voice Sirius supposed was his conscience (he didn't remember hearing that voice before, and he couldn't recall if he had ever had a conscience either) was telling him that he had been wrong about Remus; but the stubborn portion of his brain kept thinking that when Remus finally did open the door, it would be to kill him, and then the Potters. Sirius was trying to shake that part of him into unconsciousness, but the wait Moony was putting him through didn't help.

Finally, Remus opened the door, but it was only to grab Sirius by the collar, yank him in, slam him against the now closed door, and jab his wand at Sirius's throat. "What do you want, Black?" he snarled.

To say Sirius had been expecting this as well would have been a lie, however, it didn't shock him. "Moony, you've got to trust me-"

"Why would I do that? For you to even ask that means you would have to trust me, and we all know you don't trust _werewolves_," he spat.

"Remus, listen, it's about Prongs-"

For a moment, Remus's eyes widened at Sirius's mention of James. "What did you do to them?! What happened to them?!" he demanded, pressing his wand harder against the throat of the man he had once considered a friend while his grip on the same man tightened.

"Voldemort might know where to find them-"

"You _told_ him where they are?! How could you do this?!?!" Moony was shouting now, completely outraged by his former friend's actions.

"No! Never!" Sirius said, almost panicked. "Wormtail, it's Peter, Remus, it has to be. It's the only thing that makes sense. He would have been at his hideout if he wasn't."

"Why would Wormtail need a hideout, _Sirius_?!"

"Lily and James- He was their Secret Keeper, they switched. He went into hiding too-"

Remus slowly shook his head in disbelief. "No, they would have told me. James trusts me, he would have said something."

"I convinced him not to, it would have been the prefect bluff! Moony, please, you've got to believe me!"

"And why should I?!" Remus's voice then turned dangerously soft. "If you've done anything, hurt them in any way, I swear I'll kill you."

"Remus, please, I would never-"

"Go crawl back to your master."

Sirius's entire disposition changed when Lupin said that. "Don't. You. _Ever_. Accuse. Me. Of. _That_." His wand was out and facing Remus now.

Moony's only response was "Get out."

"Take that back," Sirius snarled, raising his wand and acting as though he didn't hear Lupin tell him to leave.

BANG

Whatever it was that Remus hit him with, Sirius didn't know, but it was a good one. The force of it sent Sirius crashing out the door and he landed in a heap next to his motorbike. He heard the door lock behind him.

Sirius ignored the throbbing pain where he hit the ground, he had more important things to worry about. Again, Sirius flew off on his flying motorcycle, heading for Godric's Hollow.

Godric's Hollow

Sirius had nearly worn his bike out he was flying it so fast. By the time he had reached his destination, there was not half an hour left before dawn. Thinking the Potters' address as he jumped off his motorcycle, he ran towards the house that didn't need to materialize before him, praying to Merlin that it wasn't too late; he was certain now, after that little display at Remus's, that Wormtail was the spy. Sirius was afraid.

The sight that greeted him at the door only enhanced his fear, and Sirius was sure that, for a moment, it had caused his heart to stop.

Prongs. Dead.

Sirius felt the tears build up in his eyes. His best friend, his brother, dead. Because of him. Because he hadn't trusted Remus, because he said to switch to Peter instead. Sirius choked back a sob. Now wasn't the time for this. James wouldn't want him to just stand there and cry, he'd want him to find his wife and son. He ran through the house, searching every room for Lily and Harry. Until at last, he came to his godson's bedroom.

There she was. Lily. She was dead too.

"Oh no." If Lily was dead, then Harry... "No!" Sirius didn't even want to look for him, he had just seen his best friends dead. He didn't noticed the tears freely flowing down his face, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to endure the sight of his godson's dead body. _Don't think about that. Don't think about Harry... dead._ But he had to, he just had to. James would want him to find Harry, not some mindless Auror who didn't give crap about the people who had been killed tonight. How this could even be happening though... Sirius hadn't even seen the Dark Mark...

He hadn't seen the Dark Mark.

Voldemort, the minute he had finished killing the person he wanted dead the most from a certain attack, would always cast the Dark Mark. _He wanted Harry dead more than James... That was why they were in hiding, to protect Harry..._

A small ray of hope filled his chest, but Sirius wouldn't allow it to consume him, not until he found his godson. It was then he noticed some slight movement and whimpering in Harry's crib. Not daring to breath, Sirius carefully stepped around Lily and reached into it.

"Harry!"

He was alive. Sirius couldn't begin to describe the relief he felt. His godson was alive! He held the small child close. Harry had stopped making the sad sound that broke Sirius's heart to listen to once he heard his godfather's voice. He must have been crying for a while, Sirius noticed where tears had been streaming down his innocent face, and his eyes, emerald and exactly like his mother's, were still wet. Sirius also noticed a lightning-shaped cut on his forehead. "Oh, Harry." He kissed the top of his godson's small head and hugged him tightly but gently.

"Sirwus," Harry said happily, now that he was being held by someone who, like his mummy and daddy, could always make anything all better. He didn't understand that no one could make this all right again.

"Yeah, kiddo, I'm here." Sirius was resting his cheek on Harry's head as he held him, letting his tears fall as they would. What did it matter if he cried? Harry was alive. After seeing James and Lily dead, nothing could have brought him the relief that holding his living godson alive did.

Sirius heard something. He was sure of it. There was someone downstairs. He looked down at the child in his arms. He couldn't leave Lily and James here, but he had to do what was best for Harry. Thinking fast, Sirius came to the conclusion that if the Fidelius Charm had been broken, then, chances were, the anti-apparation charm had been too. Harry probably wouldn't like apparating, he had never done it before. But now was the time for (Sirius never thought he'd be thinking along these lines) safety, not comfort. With a _crack_, Sirius apparated away with Harry held securely in his arms.


	2. Chapter Two

_Chapter Two_

**November 1, 1981**

Privet Drive

A low rumbling pierced the night as a gargantuan man, Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, came to a landing on Privet Drive next to the Headmaster and Deputy Headmistress, Professors Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall, of the school. Hagrid, when he arrived at Godric's Hollow on Dumbledore's orders to find Harry Potter and bring him to live with his blood relatives, had not found Harry. He searched the house and surrounding area for hours, but the baby was no where to be found. What he did find, however, was Sirius Black's flying motorcycle. He knew he had to get word of the missing Potter to Dumbledore as fast as possible. If Harry, now being called "The Boy Who Lived", was missing, it meant nothing good for the child, or the rest of the Wizarding World. Hagrid knew the motorbike would get him to Dumbledore the fastest, and so he used it to fly to Privet Drive.

"Hagrid," the old professor greeted. "At last." He looked at Hagrid a moment longer. "Hagrid, where is Harry?"

"I'm sorry, sir, I really am." Hagrid began sobbing. "He wasn't there, sir. Jus' Lily an' James, dead. Little Harry wasn't there. He was gone, sir."

"Hagrid, calm yourself! You'll wake the Muggles!" Professor McGonagall patted Hargid on the arm, but was looking pale herself. "Dumbledore, how can he not be there? Where else would he be? He's a baby, for heaven's sake!"

"Hagrid," Dumbledore asked, eyeing the motorbike. "Where did you get that motorcycle?"

"Was left at the house. No one was there, but Lily an' James."

"Albus, you don't think... ?" McGonagall asked, looking at, and recognizing, the motorcycle.

"Yes, Professor, I do." If it had been light out, they could have seen the usual twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes had gone out, and worry had replaced it. "Hagrid," he instructed, "alert all members of the Order you can find, excluding Remus Lupin. Tell them to be on the lookout for Sirius Black and Harry Potter." He waited for Hagrid to follow his instructions, which he did without question. Then the Headmaster of Hogwarts sent a silvery flash from his wand; it moved too fast to define its shape. "Minerva, I have just asked Frank Longbottom to send word of current events to the Ministry, so if you will now accompany me to Lupin's, he may know where Black could be headed."

Amesbury

When Sirius apparated outside the front door of his house, the night around him was pierced by the resulting _crack_ of apparation and the cries of a year old baby. He had know Harry wouldn't like apparating so young, hell, _he_ still didn't like apparating and he had done it more times than he could count.

"Shh, Harry. Shh," Sirius soothed the child as well as he could, guilt tugging at him for making his godson cry like this. "It's all right, it's ok. Harry, shh." Sirius gently bounced him in his arms as Lily used to do, rubbing his tiny back.

Sirius stepped inside his house, silently thanking James for helping him put up different protection charms around it. He didn't bother to turn on any lights, as he was still soothing Harry, until he got to the room across from his own. It was his godson's room. Sirius had changed his second guest room to a nursery for Harry shortly after he had been born. Sirius had always loved his godson more than anyone or anything, and he wasted no time in setting up a room for Harry so that he and his parents could visit whenever they felt like it and spend the night without worrying about where Harry would sleep. The room hadn't been used by Harry for a couple months, but Sirius had kept it clean, just in case. He knew that, sooner or later, he was going to have to go back to Godric's Hollow and salvage what he could, since that was where the majority of Harry's things were, as well as everything Lily and James would have wanted Harry to have, like pictures and other keep sakes from better times. (Those better times being any time before the week of Halloween of 1981.)

Gently, Sirius placed Harry, who had stopped crying and fallen asleep, in his crib, covered him with a small blanket, and kissed his forehead. He wanted to do something about Harry's new scar, but he also didn't want to do anything that would make it worse. Since it wasn't bleeding and didn't seem to be causing him any discomfort, Sirius left it alone.

He turned on a night light and turned off the lamp, trying to act like nothing had really changed. Sirius didn't want to let it sink in that his family was dead, and all because of him; because he had been too stupid and hard headed to trust Moony. If he had, Lily and Prongs would still be alive, Harry wouldn't be an orphan.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I'm so sorry." He had never meant for anything that had happened to happen. Sirius wanted to be a part of his godson's life, but he wanted Harry to know his family, his mother and father. It wasn't right; the person he loved the most (for Sirius loved Harry more than anything from the moment he was born, when he first held his tiny godson) would have to live life without ever knowing his own parents, and it was all because of him. Sirius would do everything he could for Harry, in learning about his parents to everything and anything else that would meet him in life, he owed him that.

As Sirius exited his godson's room, he closed the door part way, leaving it open enough so that, should Harry start crying again, he could still hear him. But one more look at the sleeping child, and Sirius couldn't. He went back in the room, and closed the door. He dragged the rocking chair (which he had gotten when, shortly after Harry's birth, both the Potters and the Evanses wanted to give Lily and James the chairs that had rocked their son's parents to sleep, and they worked out the solution of keeping one at Sirius, because if there was anything Harry loved, it was being rocked to sleep by one of his parents) next to Harry's crib, and slouched down in it. Reaching a hand through the crib bars, he let one of his godson's small hands unconsciously curl around his finger, and then fell into a light sleep.

Godalming

Remus Lupin opened the door a second time that day, this time to his old Headmaster and Head of House.

"Professors," he said, his voice breaking. Remus had found out that the Potters were dead, and that Harry was now famous for ridding the world of Lord Voledmort. But he hadn't heard any other news on Harry, his last connection to his late friends, whom he knew Sirius had murdered. He was worried that maybe Sirius had gotten to Harry too, and killed him personally. Everything that had happened, how it happened, that it happened so fast, it had shaken him up more than a little. Remus felt so lost. What did it matter that Voldemort was gone? He had no one to celebrate that with; that's what Voldemort's diminish had cost, the lives of his best friends, who were, because of his lycanthrope state, all he had left once his parents had died almost five years ago. "Why are you here?" he asked the people standing outside his door, maybe a bit more bluntly than intended.

"We are here, Remus, because there is something we need to discuss. The world may have gotten safer overnight, but I still prefer to talk about such matters inside, away from prying ears," Dumbledore answered gravely. From the slight smell of alcohol hanging on the werewolf's breath, Albus could guess he knew what happened at the Potters', and he was hoping that Remus could fill him in on some... other details.

Remus nodded, and stood aside to let his professors from school inside. They went into the kitchen, and noticed that the normally neat, organized house was a wreck. Dumbledore only hoped he wouldn't take the news about Black and Harry as badly as he did the news on Lily and James.

"Remus," Albus started, as they sat around Lupin's small kitchen table. "Now is not a time to wallow in our own losses." He indicated to the empty bottles of various wizarding drinks present in the modest kitchen.

Again, Remus nodded. He didn't really care. James, Sirius, Lily, Harry... gone. They were all gone; dead, Death Eater, or worse. He didn't want to listen to Dumbledore tell him that he had to get on with his life, or whatever else the old man could come with to offer as condolences. Everyone who made his cursed life worth living was gone. He had never felt this alone, Remus doubted if before now, he even knew what it was to be alone.

He should have killed Black when he had the chance...

Albus indicated for McGonagall, who was still in a mild shock from learning about Sirius Black being the traitor, to continue. The witch took a moment to compose her speech, and she asked, "You know... how it happened, Remus?"

"Yeah," Remus answered, in a hollow voice. "Sirius... Voldemort..." He was desperately trying to control his emotions. If there was anything he couldn't stand, it was losing control over himself, and he had done enough of that on his own. He wouldn't lose control in front of the professors.

"Remus," Dumbledore interjected, "do you know where Sirius may have gone?"

They were speaking to him in cautious tones, as if they were speaking to a child. But Lupin found he didn't care, what did it matter anyway? His voice still monotoned, and faded, he answered, "No."

"This is about Harry," the aging professor told the young werewolf.

Remus's full attention snapped to Albus. "Where is he? Is he ok?"

Dumbledore's grave expression didn't do much to help calm Remus's nerves. "We believe," he answered slowly, "that Sirius may have taken Harry after Lord Voldemort's defeat. There has been no sign of him since then. We know as little as you concerning the well-being of Harry Potter."

"What?" Lupin asked faintly. This couldn't be happening. Sirius... murderer of James and Lily... had Harry. It couldn't be possible, how could something like this happen?

"Remus, do you know where Black may have gone?" Minerva asked him.

Remus had to think for a moment, his mind being preoccupied with thoughts of what his ex-friend could be doing to his best friends' son at the very moment he was sitting in his kitchen. "No," he said truthfully, "not if he's trying not to get caught. He'd have to go somewhere he wouldn't be found. I know where he could go, but even Sirius was never that reckless. He wouldn't bring Harry there, he'd go where they wouldn't be found..."

McGonagall nodded in understanding of what had to be going through Lupin's mind. Dumbledore suggested that they begin searching for young Harry in places that Black may have taken him, however unlikely, before it was too late. Hopefully, that wouldn't be the scenario since Black had to be, by now, the most wanted wizard in present times.

**November 2, 1981**

Amesbury

The uneasy sleep of Sirius Black was ended early in the morning by the heart wrenching cries of a baby. Sirius slowly forced his eyes open, and was met with blurry "morning vision". He blinked a few times, allowing his eyes to adjust to being awake as he tried to figure out why he felt so stiff, and why he could hear Harry crying. For he was sure that it was his godson making those cries, but Harry was with his parents at home, and Sirius was in his own home, not the Potters. Perhaps it had something to do with the awful dream he had, where Lily and James were dead, all because he trusted the wrong person.

So why was he in Harry's room?

_Oh no._

As quickly as he could, but still slowly because he was stiff from spending a few hours sleeping on a rocking chair, Sirius got up and picked Harry up out of his crib. "It's all right, Harry. Everything's going to be ok. I promise," he told the crying child, wanting to cry himself. Upon discovering that his diaper was dry, Sirius took his godson downstairs, hoping that he was only hungry. He was so young; Sirius only hoped that he was too young to really understand what happened so that Harry wouldn't dwell on his parents' murders in his dreams, but another part of him hoped that Harry understood enough to understand that his parents weren't coming back even though they still loved him. But that was ridiculous, Harry was only one, he just wanted something to eat. Sirius could feed Harry, he had baby food, he'd fed his godson before, he could fix that; but Sirius couldn't bring Lily and James back, no matter what he did, how hard he tried, or how much he wanted to. "I promise," he said, holding Harry close. "It'll all be all right." With wet eyes, he planted a kiss on the small mess of jet black hair on top of Harry's head. "I won't let anything happen to you," Sirius said to him, entering his kitchen.

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**_A/N: If you think this kind of just left off, it picks up in the next chapter._**


	3. Chapter Three

_Chapter Three_****

November 5, 1981

Amesbury

Sirius was making breakfast while Harry sat on the kitchen floor doing one of his favorite things: Making noise. Sirius's eardrums cringed as his godson made known his enjoyment of the pots and pans that surrounded him; but Harry was having fun, and if Sirius's ears would have to suffer for it, then so be it.

Never before did Sirius think he'd be grateful for the food and cooking spell book Lily had given him a few years back when he said he kept coming around to the Potters' because Lily made such delicious meals, but now he was. Three days ago, he had received the _Daily Prophet_ as usual, and opened it to see a large picture of himself and one of his godson plastering the front page underneath a headline reading "Top You-Know-Who Supporter Kidnaps Boy-Who-Lived" and next to a quite lengthy and colorful article about how Sirius was Voldemort's right-hand man and was brutally torturing Harry, who may have even been dead at that point in time. The rest of the paper was filled with similar articles, one even quoted Albus Dumbledore saying that Sirius's "betrayal was a tragic one, but he must be found in time to save young Mr. Potter." At that point, Sirius figured it would be a mistake to leave the house, for any reason; if any witch or wizard spotted him, he could kiss his godson (and his soul, the way those articles were going on) good-bye. But now, Sirius was using the cook book to make enough food for himself and Harry from what food supply they already had, and transfigure that food into different kinds to keep their tastebuds from getting bored, and he was getting enough practice at it that the food was actually edible, as opposed to a week ago.

Sirius looked over at Harry and smiled sadly. He was only a year old, but he was having trouble sleeping. Sirius had no idea why Harry was waking up and crying, and nothing Sirius did could calm him down, but he suspected it was all because of Halloween. It was impossible for anyone to forget something like that, even a one-year-old who didn't fully understand what happened. However much Sirius wanted to give Harry a Dreamless Sleep Potion (and take one himself), though, he didn't; he didn't know what kind of effect it would have on someone as young as his godson, and he didn't dare take anything that would help himself sleep, in case Harry woke up and he didn't hear.

"Sirwus," Harry said, letting go of the pot in his hands and lifting up his arms to his godfather.

Sirius's smile widened, becoming less sad, as he bent down to scoop up the tiny boy in his arms. Harry yawned, and Sirius hoped that his nightmares (because, as much as he wanted it to be something else, nightmares were the only conclusion Sirius had come up with for why Harry was having trouble staying asleep) would end soon. He took it as a sign of that when, the day before, Harry had a nap and didn't wake up because of an invasion of his dreams; but Harry was so young, he couldn't even know what that dream meant, why did it have to plague him? He never did anything to deserve that.

A _tap tap_ sounded at the window, and Sirius cast an untraceable charm on the delivery owl before letting it in to deliver the morning paper, paying it, and sending it on its way. Sirius may not have been too fond of what the paper was saying (for crying out loud, he wanted to maim the people coming up with the junk about how he was hurting his godson so that they could no longer write), but he needed to know what was going on in the wizarding world; and so far, things weren't looking too up.

Balancing Harry in one arm, and opening the paper in his other hand, Sirius nearly dropped both when he glanced at the front page headline. He put Harry in his highchair and read the article entitled 'Bartimus Crouch Named Minister of Magic'. If Crouch was the new Minister, then that meant nothing good for anybody. Sirius had seen Aurors under Crouch's command do horrific things equivalent to what Voldemort had ordered his Death Eaters to do, and Crouch just cranked out laws to make that activity, if done by Aurors on duty, perfectly legal. With a flick of his wand, Sirius turned off the stove, positive he was so pissed that if he tried to cook anything, by Muggle means or magic, the end result wouldn't be pretty, and he had completely lost his appetite. Crouch, when he was still Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, had thrown dozens of suspected Death Eaters into Azkaban without even thought of a trial; what he would do as Minister of Magic, Sirius didn't even want to think about.

But all this was no reason for Harry to starve. Sirius grabbed a container of baby food and sat down to feed his godson, his hand slightly shaking as he thought about the injustice of the world. It just wasn't fair.

Godalming

Remus sat at his kitchen table with his elbows on the table and his head in his hands, and a cooling mug of untouched tea sitting in front of him. He had lost count of the days he had spent looking for Harry and Black, and was about ready to give up hope. Even if they did manage to find Sirius, the chances of Harry still being alive... well, he didn't want to think of that.

Sitting next to Remus with a half finished cup of tea was Peter Pettigrew. He was nervous and fidgeting (especially when Dumbledore was around), but Remus assumed that it was just because he was worried about Harry too, never once did he suspect that what Sirius had said that night, about Peter being the traitor, was true.

"Lupin, Pettigrew," a strict female voice said, causing Remus to look up and Peter to jump. "Professor Dumbledore would like you to meet him in Amesbury. He believes he has found a way around the charms protecting Black's house without alerting anyone inside they are being broken."

Remus stood and headed for his door, without a word to his Transfiguration teacher. (His cloak was already on, and his wand was in his pocket. Since news of Harry's kidnap, he hadn't found the strength to sleep, eat, shave, shower, or change. Occasionally, he, or rather someone with him at the time, would force something in his mouth and get him to swallow, and Remus would use the occasional cleaning charm on himself, but all in all, it was taking a toll on him, especially with the full moon six days away.)

"Remus," Professor McGonagall said, placing a hand on the werewolf's arm, preventing him from getting closer to the door. "Even though you are concerned, you cannot simply barge in there. There is no knowing what is to be found inside that place, and necessary precautions must be taken."

Remus gave her a curt nod before continuing to the door and apparating (had the situation been different, he would have been amazed he didn't splinch himself) to the street where a man he once considered a close friend lived.

"Come now, Pettigrew," Minerva said to Peter, who was following Remus's route to the door slowly and uncertainly. She side-along apparated with Peter (who had failed his apparation test miserably, even after all the help he had received from James and Sirius) to Amesbury.

Amesbury

Sirius, who had just put Harry down for a nap, was pacing nervously outside his godson's partially open bedroom door, thinking about what he had been all morning: The world's injustice. He couldn't even avenge James's death (although, in the choice between killing Pettigrew and Harry, he'd pick Harry every time), because he couldn't leave a one-year-old in a house by himself, and he couldn't take Harry with him, because the last thing that child needed was another memory of someone being murdered. Not to mention that if he took one step outside, there was no doubt in Sirius's mind that no less than fifty Aurors, and possibly a few dozen dementors, would turn up, leaving him rotting in Azkaban or soulless, and Harry only Merlin knows where.

Sirius stopped his pacing, feeling the beginnings of fear set in. He had heard something, he had definitely heard something. Someone was downstairs.

Carefully and quietly, Sirius closed the door the Harry's bedroom. Gripping his wand firmly in front of him, Sirius made his way down the stairs, after administering a nonverbal Silencing Charm to keep them from making noise. Sirius got to his kitchen and didn't know whether to feel relieved or worried by who he saw there. He knew Death Eaters wouldn't dare impersonate the man sitting at his table, but either way, he didn't put his wand down.

"Hello, Sirius," Albus Dumbledore said, an unreadable expression covering his frowning face. "I've been wondering how long it would be until we met again." There was no twinkle behind his eyes.

-6-2-9-5-7-4-1-0-3-8-

Outside of Sirus Black's home, Peter Pettigrew stood alone, nervously awaiting for Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Remus to return with Sirius safely in custody. Only then would he feel a bit more relaxed. Sirius tended to act rashly without thinking the consequences of his actions through, and Peter shuddered at the thought of what Sirius would do to him if Sirius could get ahold of him.

At first, Remus was supposed to be the one who guarded the front door, in case Black tried to escape that way, but Peter convinced him to switch, to let him guard the door while he went inside with the professors, just like he had convinced Sirius to get James to switch Secret Keepers. But Sirius was the only one alive who knew that, and once Sirius lost his soul, like the new Minister had promised he would, Peter wouldn't have to worry. There would be no one left to testify against him.

Anxiously, he rubbed the Dark Mark that was burned into his left arm. But what if Dumbledore believed Sirius's story enough to see if it was true? Dumbledore could always tell when he was being lied to, and Peter had no greater mastered Occlumency than apparation. Dumbledore believed in second chances, and surely Sirius had done no harm to the Potter boy. It would be easy to convince Dumbledore to question him, just as easy as Peter convinced Remus to go inside, something Moony was all too willing to do.

With a last nervous glance at the house in front of him, and then down the street, Peter Pettigew transformed into a rat, and fled the scene, unnoticed by any, whether they be magic or Muggle. And he didn't stop running until his out of shape body could run no more. Panting heavily, he forced himself to continue. Wormtail had joined Voldemort because he was afraid. He had been very afraid of what Voldemort would do to him if he had been caught in Dumbledore's ranks. But now, he was afraid again. The Dark Lord was defeated because of Peter's information, and he knew it wouldn't sit well for him to look for help in his fellow Death Eaters. He couldn't go to anyone in the Order, either, because Dumbledore, surely, would want to question him sooner or later. The very thought of Azkaban scared him more than death, and he was positive that'd be where he ended up were Dumbledore to find any reason to believe Sirius Black.

* * *

**_A/N: A couple of things, Crouch is the Minister of Magic because his son hasn't been caught in the company of Death Eaters or been accused of Death Eater activity, at least not yet... _**

_**Pettigrew wasn't hiding out because, up until this point, he hadn't felt there was a need to, and if he was with Dumbledore, he would be protected from Death Eaters, who, he's realized, aren't too happy with him.**_

_**The "-6-2-9-..." is just instead of "--" or "" or some other kind of page break.**_

_**Finally, sorry, I know the chapter's a bit of a short one, but I already added a few extensions to make it as long as it is, and this is kind of where I wanted to leave off. Hoped you liked it though.**_


	4. Chapter Four

_Chapter Four_****

November 5, 1981

Amesbury

Albus Dumbledore stood, and faced his wand at Sirius, who couldn't have been more nervous at that moment if it had been a few Death Eaters in his kitchen.

Sirius wasn't a stupid man, he could be reckless and rash, foolish even, but the last, and only, stupid thing he'd even done had been in his sixth year at Hogwarts. He knew that if he took Harry, he wouldn't be able to hide his godson forever, but he wasn't expecting to be found and have his defenses broken so soon. While he knew that Dumbledore would probably hear him out, Sirius had rather hoped (rather foolishly) that, when the time came, he would be hearing Harry out as well. But Sirius _was_ grateful that it was the Hogwart's Headmaster who found them and not the new Minister with half a dozen dementors. Had the latter showed up, Sirius was positive that he'd be soulless before he could think of a happy memory with which to do defend himself; Dumbledore, Sirius believed, wouldn't attack until he found Harry.

"Where is he, _Black_?" a voice to Sirius's left snarled.

Remus Lupin on the other hand...

"Moony, you gotta believe me," Sirius pleaded. "I would never do anything to betray Lily and James, or hurt Harry-"

"Sirius," Dumbledore intervened, extremely calm considering that he believed he was in a treacherous murder's kitchen looking to find a dead one-year-old child who'd saved the world, "you were the Potters' Secret Keeper, and Voldemort could not have found them unless their Secret Keeper told him where to look-"

"No! Professor, I swear! It wasn't me, they switched. They switched to Peter. He's the one who betrayed them." Sirius could feel the tears building behind his eyes, but he really didn't care. In no more than a whisper, a quiet whisper that everyone heard, he said, "Please don't take my godson from me."

"What, have a change of heart now that your master isn't here to protect you?" Remus accused with an un-Remus-like sneer.

Sirius heard something to his right and spared a glance. Professor McGonagall. He wasn't getting out of this one.

"Remus, I swear, it wasn't me it was Peter-"

"Bullshit!" Remus yelled. "Where's Harry?!"

"He's upstairs," Sirius said quietly. "In his room. I'd never hurt him!"

But Remus's face looked ready to see the worse. He ran up the stairs two at a time, practically diving into Harry's room. When he opened the door, however, he was not met with the sight he expected to greet him. Remus had expected Harry to be nothing more than a bloody mess after spending so long with the likes of Sirius Black, but he wasn't. Harry was sleeping peacefully in his crib, tucked in and holding a stuffed animal. Remus couldn't believe his eyes, Sirius couldn't have been telling the truth about Peter... Could he? Peter had spent these past few days helping him look for Harry.

...And staying close to Dumbledore.

It fit, Remus realized, as that thought hit him like a ton of bricks. If Peter _had_ been the one to betray Lily and James, anyone in league with Voldemort who knew what Peter had been doing would know that Voldemort went to the Potters', to his downfall, on Peter's information. They wouldn't be happy with Peter for that, but with Dumbledore, Peter was safe. With Dumbledore around, Death Eaters couldn't touch him, but he was always nervous. Remus had assumed he was just worried for Harry, but it must have been that he was afraid to get caught. Peter hadn't been looking for Harry, he had been trying to save his own skin. That explained so much more than just Peter's behavior for the past few days, it explained his behavior for the past year. His odd disappearances, his fear at Order meetings. It all made sense. Hadn't James even _told_ him that Sirius was worried about being Secret Keeper? And Peter had been there too; he used Sirius's worry to gain favor with Voldemort, to _frame_ Sirius.

Remus looked up to see that Harry had woken up sometime while he was trapped in his thoughts. He went to Harry's crib, where the smiling son of his best friend looked up at him the emerald eyes of his mother.

"Reemus," Harry said, recognizing the man who had been around him almost as often as his godfather. He rolled off of his back and used the bars on his crib to pull himself up, but fell back down on his bottom. James had been teaching him how to stand...

As he picked Harry up and held him close, hugging the small child tightly (not even taking notice of the lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead), Remus could have laughed and cried for relief and joy. Harry was safe, Sirius wasn't the traitor, Peter... Peter! Remus had left him outside, alone, to guard the front door, but if Sirius was telling the truth... Remus ran into Sirius's room across the hall, still holding Harry. He ignored the messy state the room was in and looked out the front window. The street below him was empty. Pettigrew was gone. Remus swore under his breath so Harry wouldn't hear. Peter Pettigrew was more of a rat than his Animagus Wormtail. He had played off of Remus's fear, just like he had Sirius's.

-6-2-9-5-7-4-1-0-3-8-

"Sirius," Professor Dumbledore said, as Remus headed up the stairs to find Harry. "What state will Mr. Lupin find Harry in?" he asked, once Sirius had turned his attention back to the aging Headmaster, the seriousness of the situation and question etched into his face.

"I swear he's fine. I'd never hurt my godson. Sir, please; please don't take him from me."

Albus sighed. He hadn't broken eye contact with Sirius when asking that question, but for Sirius to have been spying on the Order for a year, he'd have to be an accomplished Occlumens. His answer didn't mean anything until Remus came back downstairs.

"I'm going to ask you to relinquish your wand."

Slowly, Sirius looked between his two professors, whose wands were focused on him. He nodded, and, painfully, placed his wand on the table, then sank into a chair.

"Black," McGonagall asked with the same strict tone she had always used when speaking to the Marauders, especially immediately before they were going to receive a week's worth of detentions, "what happened? You say that Pettigrew was responsible. How is this so?"

Sirius took a deep breath. He made eye contact with Dumbledore, he wanted them to know what he was saying was true. Sirius began describing what had really happened; how he had been worried Voldemort would force Lily and James's hiding location from him, how he had thought of, or rather been tricked into, using a decoy, how Wormtail agreed to be that decoy, how he'd felt something was wrong, how Pettigrew wasn't at his hiding spot when he went to check on the rat, how he went to Remus, only to find Moony didn't believe him, how he found his family dead, how he had taken Harry to his home when he heard someone in the Potters' house, how he just wanted his godson to be safe.

"That is quite a story, Sirius," Dumbledore told him once Sirius had finished.

"You don't believe me," Sirius said tonelessly. It didn't matter what he said anymore. If Dumbledore didn't believe him, he was going to lose his godson, everything he had left.

"We're going to have to see what Mr. Pettigrew has to say before I come to that conclusion. Minerva, please tell Peter that he is needed in Mr. Black's kitchen."

McGonagall nodded and went to find Peter.

"What?" Sirius asked in a quiet, to the point of almost silent, voice. "He's _here_?!"

"He's not," a voice croaked at the foot of the stairs. "Wormtail's gone."

Sirius quickly turned around in his seat to see Remus holding Harry with a look on his face that suggested so many emotions Sirius couldn't determine one.

"And Harry?" Dumbledore asked.

"Harry's... fine, sir. He's fine."

Sirius smiled worriedly at his godson, and indicated he wanted to hold him. Remus was still letting the fact that Harry was alive and well sink in, but the look on Sirius's face suggested that his friend needed to hold the child more than he did. Moony gave a slight nod and handed Harry to his godfather, who hugged him tightly. For the moment, Sirius forgot about Pettigrew being somewhere near.

"It seems," Dumbledore said, a hint of the usual twinkle in his eyes returning, "that all that is left to do is explain to the Ministry an old man's mistake, and call off the search for Sirius and Harry."

Sirius looked at his Headmaster, unable to believe his ears. "You- you mean..."

"Yes, Sirius. From what you have told me and your actions to protect young Mr. Potter, my previous conclusion was incorrect."

Professor McGonagall made her way back to the kitchen after looking up and down a deserted street. "Albus, Pettigrew is gone."

"Yes, Remus recently alerted us to this. And this only adds to the evidence supporting what Sirius has said."

"It's my fault," Remus said, sinking into a chair next to Sirius. "I shouldn't have agreed to letting him 'guard' the door outside-"

"No, it's mine. I'm the one who convinced James to switch."

"Sirius, Remus," Dumbledore said, "at this time, it will be more beneficial to all if we clear Sirius's name and begin a search for Peter Pettigrew than blame ourselves for what has happened." He paused to see agreement from everyone else in the room. "I will speak with the Minister on this matter, and hopefully see you all very soon." With that, Albus went to Sirius's living room, took some Floo Powder out of a small pouch in his robes, threw it into a fire that wasn't there a minute ago, stepped into the green flames, and Flooed to the Ministry of Magic.

-6-2-9-5-7-4-1-0-3-8-

About an hour later, the fire lit up green again, and an enraged Bartimus Crouch, followed by Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody (in charge of the Auror department), two other Aurors whom Sirius didn't recognize, and Albus Dumbledore stepped out of the fireplace.

Sirius, Remus, Minerva, and Harry had been awaiting Dumbledore's return.

"So, Black," Crouch sneered, advancing on Sirius. "Have a change of heart now that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is destroyed?"

Harry, whom Sirius had picked up and held protectively the moment he saw the Minister come out of the fireplace, clutched his godfather's robes, terrified of the man coming closer to him. Sirius, however, showed no sign of backing down. "Of course I haven't. Why would anyone switch to Voldemort's side once he's been defeated?" Sirius was pleased to see Crouch flinch, however slightly, when he said Voldemort's name.

"A bit bold, wasn't that, Black?" Crouch composed himself.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. If Crouch wanted "bold", he'd show him "bold". "Could you step back, Minister? You're frightening my godson."

The Minister looked down at the fearful baby in Sirius's arms and took a step backwards, with a sneer on his face to rival the ones Severus Snape would send to James Potter when they were all at Hogwarts.

"Sirius Black, you are accused of supporting He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named as one of his top Death Eaters and assistance in the murders of James and Lily Potter. Moody, arrest this man," Crouch ordered.

"Hold on, Minister," Mad-Eye said. "What do we have for proof against him?"

Crouch looked rather taken aback. "Well, Dumbledore's testimony against him! That's what! I want Black in Azkaban for Death Eater activity!"

"With all due respect, Minister," Dumbledore said. "The evidence has pointed to Sirius Black's innocence in the crimes he's been accused of, and the mistakes of an old Headmaster."

The look on Crouch's face suggested Dumbledore had shouted what he calmly said and slapped him across the face. "With all due respect, _Headmaster_, I can't just tell the entire wizarding community that there's been a miscalculation to this magnitude. It's impossible!"

"I assure you, _Minister_," Moody, whose magical eye was spinning wildly in its socket, said, "that it is entirely possible. I won't put an innocent man in Azkaban."

The two Aurors looked at each other nervously, as if they weren't sure what to do. Alastor Moody was their boss, but Bartimus Crouch was his.

Crouch looked at those around him. He could see no other way out of it. "Then send him to Azkaban to await trial. Let the Wizengamot decide if he's innocent or not!"

"And what about my godson?!" Sirius asked furiously, standing up.

"I'll take care of him," Remus said, also standing up, and glaring at the Minister. "There's no law against it."

"Who are you?" Crouch demanded to know.

"Remus Lupin, and-"

"The Boy Who Lived can't go to you! I remember reading your name on the list of known werewolves. Not to mention the full moon in six days."

Sirius would have liked his wand to be out before Crouch was done talking; he was sick of people putting his friend down because he spouted fur and fangs once a month, but he had to hold onto Harry, and attacking the Minister of Magic would be anything but helpful in the current situation. Although, the latter reason was only thought of after Sirius realized that he couldn't hex Crouch into oblivion with a baby in his arms.

"Then I guess you have a limited time to get Sirius a trial, Minister," Remus said, as though his response were obvious.

"There _are_ laws!" Crouch insisted. "A werewolf cannot get custody of any child other than its own-"

"But Minister," Dumbledore said, as Remus and Sirius glared. "Remus will not be granted custody of Harry. He will merely be watching him in Sirius's absence. He will be doing nothing more than babysitting Mr. Potter, and there are no laws against a werewolf babysitting children with a parent's or guardian's consent. And Mr. Black, by the will of Lily and James Potter, is Harry Potter's legal guardian until he is proven guilty; which I have no doubt he will _not_ be."

The Minister looked at Mad-Eye to rebuke what Dumbledore had said, but Moody only said, "He's right, Minister. If Black wants Lupin to watch the Potter boy while he's waiting for his trial, then, according to law, Lupin gets Potter."

Everyone looked at Sirius (Remus, McGonagall, Dumbledore, and Moody were waiting for him to give Harry to Remus, and Crouch and the two Aurors were waiting to see if he would really put the Boy Who Lived in the hands of a werewolf), and waited for him to say something. "The only way I'll go without a fuss," Sirius said slowly, "is if Remus is watching Harry until I get back." Sirius would have thought Remus to be the best person to leave Harry with even if he wasn't going to Azkaban; not only did he trust his last friend with his godson's life, but Harry knew him and was comfortable around Remus, and Sirius had never been given a better opportunity to make such a bold statement about werewolves and prejudices.

"Now that this is settled, might I suggest that we continue with what needs to be done so that it can be done?" Dumbledore asked calmly.

Sirius nodded, and gently kissed the top of Harry's head, not wanting to let go as he slowly handed his godson to Remus. "I'll see you soon, kiddo," he said quietly.

"I'll take care of him," Remus said.

Sirius only nodded again. "Thanks, Moony."

"Sorry about this, Black," Moody whispered as he arrested Sirius. Mad-Eye had known Sirius through the Order of the Phoenix, and he didn't believe that Sirius was guilty until he heard it from Dumbledore's mouth; and now that Dumbledore said he found evidence pointing to Sirius's innocence and Pettigrew's guilt, Moody believed Dumbledore's final word. What evidence Dumbledore had shown in Sirius's defense was just... believable, especially when compared to what they had all thought Black to be. He had never thought Sirius could be the one who'd gone over to Voldemort. "Take him directly to Azkaban."

The two Aurors nodded and one pulled out a pre-made Portkey, activated it, and all three (the two Aurors and Sirius) were gone.

"Remember, Minister," Remus said, looking down at the child he was holding, as Crouch and Moody began to reach for Floo Powder, "the full moon is in six days. If Sirius isn't back in that time, I have no intention of giving Harry to anyone else."

Crouch only gave a curt nod and Flooed out. Shortly after, Mad-Eye Moody did the same.

Azkaban

Sirius sat alone in his new cell in Azkaban, were a dementor was waiting outside the barred door. He tried to keep his mind as the worst memories of his life kept playing before his eyes. One memory was of the time after the stupid thing he'd done in sixth year, when he told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow on a full moon, where a full fledged werewolf would be waiting. James hadn't spoken to him for a few weeks after that.

Except to say, "I'm just glad dementors only suck out the happy memories! Then if Moony _had_ done something to Snape and you ended up in Azkaban, you wouldn't forget why Moony was sitting in a cell across from you!"

That was it. The dementors could only take happy thoughts. If Sirius wasn't thinking anything happy, the dementors couldn't take the thought from him, they couldn't force him to remember things like James's dead face, which had just taken over his mind.

Something that's not happy. But what could he think of that wasn't so painful as some of the memories he was being forced to relive, but also wasn't happy?

I'm innocent... Sirius thought. _But I'm still here, and while Pettigrew is out free somewhere. _

That's not happy...

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, I really don't know what say here for this chapter. Hope you liked it? Well, if you have any questions about it, please ask, because there are some things I might have left out that aren't important to the story at this time, but that you may want to know about.**


	5. Chapter Five

_Chapter Five_****

November 10, 1981

Amesbury

Remus Lupin looked out the window at the rising sun, while sipping warm coffee from the mug in his hand. The night after this was the full moon, and, needless to say, Remus was growing a tad bit worried. The wolf inside of him was growing restless, and operating on less than a good five night's sleep wasn't helping. But the reason Remus was worried was sleeping in the room a few doors down. When Remus had threatened the Minister of Magic to keep Harry Potter over the full moon, that was all it had been: An empty threat. He loved Harry, he would never endanger the child in that way, or in any way. Remus hadn't thought the Ministry would want to test what'd he said about keeping Harry during the full moon, but apparently they'd called his bluff and were waiting to take Harry to Merlin knows where. He was, however, shocked that Albus Dumbledore had yet to do anything about the matter. _"There is no worry, Remus; however opposed to Sirius's innocence the Minister is, he will have to prove it, and he will not take too long in doing so,"_ was all the Headmaster had said to Remus's growing concern that Sirius still hadn't received his trial.

Remus had opted to stay at Sirius's house until he was released from Azkaban. This was where Harry had been the few days before the boy's godfather had been arrested, and it was where Harry had most of his things, including his room. Remus had gone to the Potter's house and salvaged what he could that Harry might want to have once he got older, and whatever of Harry's he could find. There wasn't much as the house had been destroyed, but what he did manage to save from the wreckage he had brought to Sirius's for Harry. Also, as much as Remus hated to admit it, Sirius's guestroom was just as, if not more, nice as his own bedroom.

However, Remus's main concern when he decided it would be best to stay at Sirius's _was_ Harry. He could see how Harry was suffering already, and like no one, especially someone so young, should. Harry had been calling for Sirius at times, and Sirius would never come; that made Remus guess that he had called for his parents when Sirius had first collected him. Harry had been without Lily and James before, but never for this long, only a few hours at the most. Remus guess that Harry had somewhat broken the habit of saying "Mummy" and "Daddy" when he found that Sirius would be the only one to answer his calls, and now Sirius didn't come either. Every time Moony held the child, he could see Harry's bright emerald green eyes (his mother's eyes) asking if he was going to leave too.

"What am I going to do?" he asked out to no one.

  
Azkaban

The last five days had been hell. There was no other way to describe it. Crouch had placed Sirius in a high security cell, so Sirius had been in the constant presence of the dementors that entire time. Sirius wondered why he wasn't insane; if the endless presence of dementors wasn't enough, the shrieks and cries of other prisoners, who were quite mad, every night should have done the trick. True, Sirius had stuck as well as he could to thinking neutral thoughts, but the fear he felt of losing his godson on top of his best friends always found a way to surface.

Sirius heard the cell door rattle open, and looked over, hoping to see some of the prison's food being shoved in. Sirius did still get hungry, and he had to eat, to stay alive for Harry (otherwise, he would probably be starving himself), and Azkaban's food was disgusting enough that thinking about eating it took his mind off things, however temporarily.

Sirius rethought his most recent hope and mentally snorted. Maybe he wasn't as sane as he had been thinking.

"Black."

Sirius inwardly groaned. It was Crouch, Minister of Magic. He wondered though if Crouch was actually going to give him his promised trial this time. When the Minister had last been to supposedly bring Sirius in for his trial (about two or three days ago, Sirius hadn't been keeping the best record), he said something that related Sirius to the rest of the Blacks. Highly insulted and unable to defend himself physically, Sirius said something rather... inappropriate in regards to Crouch's mother. Crouch had obviously wanted to hex Sirius at that moment, by his uncharacteristic outburst and his hand's movement towards his wand, but Mad-Eye Moody (who was there for the pick up) stopped him. Since a trial had been scheduled, Crouch left with known Death Eater Igor Karkaroff (who had screamed he'd make a deal with the Ministry) instead. Holding his tongue with the newly appointed Minister of Magic wasn't something Sirius was prepared to do, at least not well. Personally, he thought even the Junior Minister in the Department of Magical Catastrophes, Cornelius Fudge, would have been a better choice for Minister of Magic, especially now that Voldemort was defeated. However temporary that "defeat" was sure to be.

"Get up," he snarled, nudging Sirius with his foot and pointing his wand at Sirius's face.

Maybe this wasn't so bad. He seemed to finally be getting his trial after all; and, while Sirius knew Moony would never do anything to put Harry in harm's way, the fast approaching full moon gave him reason to worry. Sirius stood, looking at the Aurors who'd accompanied Crouch. Their badges read "Dawlish" and "Scrimgeour". Moody was no where to been seen.

"Looking for your friend, Mad-Eye?" Crouch taunted. "Too bad he's just retired."

_  
This was not good._

Sirius knew Moody enough to know he probably hadn't had much say in his "retirement"; after all, the Ministry had been going on about "paranoid fools" for some time, and now that Voldemort was "gone", they (as in most everyone with any connection to the Ministry of Magic, or Auror Department, more specifically) figured it had to be only a matter of time before Mad-Eye was retired, especially with the new Minister. Moody was close to Dumbledore, and Crouch despised the Headmaster, for his second chance "policy" most of all. But what really had Sirius worried was that Moody was probably the only Auror who trusted Dumbledore enough to help him get a fair trial.

"Take him to the Interrogation Room," Crouch ordered. Upon seeing the mild look of confusion on Sirius's face, he added, "There's been a change in the legal system, Black, but, being in Azkaban, I'm sure you haven't heard of it yet. You see, Black, Moody used to oversee the interrogation procedures, but Scrimgeour has taken over Moody's previous position. And he has made some... well welcomed changes to the policy regarding prisoner interrogation."

_  
This _really_ was not good._

Sirius knew Scrimgeour as well, but that was mostly by reputation, and not a very... comforting reputation at that. Apparently, he and Crouch were old buddies, and that, Sirius deduced, meant that he, Sirius, was in trouble if they were changing these kinds of policies together. Big time. Unless Dumbledore was waiting for him behind the Interrogation door, which, he wasn't.

Of course, nothing helped matters that Amelia Bones, former Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, had been murdered by Voldemort's supporters (or more likely, by Voldemort himself) not two weeks before Lily and James had been killed, and that she had been replaced by Albert Runcorn.

  
Ministry of Magic, London

The benches in Courtroom eight were filled with witches and wizards of the Wizengamot, waiting for the next trial to begin. Of course, that meant the person on trial had to be brought in. The chatter (consisting mostly of forced small talk) instantly ceased when the door opened and Sirius Black was led in, flanked by four dementors with two Aurors close by, "just in case".

Sirius had just gotten back from a first hand experience with the Ministy's new "policy" regarding prisoners (even ones only awaiting trial) and interrogation. And one thing was certain, had Sirius not know what had happened to be a change in the legal system and administered by the Minister, what went on in that room would have been illegal. Sirius, as he was guided to the lone chair in the center of the room, limped from where something (he didn't know what exactly, most likely either a curse or foot) had hit him in the leg. Personally, Sirius was surprised he could even still breathe properly; he was sure at least one of his ribs had been broken during the "interrogation", which was more like a torture session than anything else.

Sirius had been expecting something like that, but no where near the extent it actually turned out to be. He dreaded the moment he would be forced to sit in the chair in the center of the room where chains would bind him tightly to it; when he had first entered the Interrogation Room, he answered Crouch's questions with the truth, a truth that the Minister refused to believe. Sirius had then felt himself held up by magic, and something long and relatively thin erupted from the end of Crouch's wand, causing the wand to resemble a whip. Sirius had then been given the opportunity to change what he had said, but Sirius wasn't going to be intimidated into telling (lying) about how he mistreated his godson. He was determined to hold his tongue from betraying any of his pain when he felt his robes ripped off his back so that Crouch's wand whip would have better access to it. And he had, at least until the Minister of Magic and Head of the Auror Department moved on to using a certain Unforgivable on him.

However, nothing they did could force Sirius to change his version of the truth, the true version. So Sirius (with his mind properly "weakened and prepared for Veritaserum") had been taken to his long awaited trial. Everyone who watched as Sirius was brought to the chair where he would sit for his trial only thought his odd way of movement was result from spending so much time with the dementors. (His robes had been adequately repaired and "upgraded" so they wouldn't show any blood that may be seeping through them). Then again, if the actions of the two wizards had been legal, who would they need to hide what they had done from? Sirius scanned the Wizengamot seated in the Courtroom. Dumbledore, and... Nope, just Dumbledore. But, in reality, Dumbledore had authority over Hogwarts, not the Ministry.

Sirius was seated in the chair, and he silently grimaced as it chained him tightly to itself.

The trial proceeded. It started with the usual questions, control questions, to make sure that Sirius would be able to recall and relay the facts of what happened. Once the basics had been cleared up, three drops of Veritaserum were administered, and some control questions to test the validity of the truth serum were asked. Then the real questions began. Sirius (even though a few more drops of Veritaserum had been forced down his throat and he could find no way to even think about fighting its effects, even if he wanted to) was forced to relive his memories of the Potters just before their deaths, and of what happened with Harry. The worser memories, of trading places with Pettigrew, realizing his mistake, seeing James and Lily dead, cut themselves deeper into his mind, and Sirius was disappointed when the better memories, of finding Harry alive, of the good times he had spent with his godson the few days before Azkaban, just felt the same.

For three hours, the trial, with its meaningless questions, continued. Veritaserum was given again every hour or so to make certain its effectiveness wasn't wearing off. Sirius just wanted it to end. He wanted to go home, to see his godson; it had been almost a week since he had last held Harry.

-6-2-9-5-7-4-1-0-3-8-

Remus was thoroughly relieved when he received an owl from the Ministry of Magic stating that his testimony was needed in the trial of Sirius Black that was to take place that day. He had arrived at the Ministry shortly after Sirius had, so his best friend didn't know he was here yet. He had waited for three hours (with Harry, who, even though he didn't weigh that much, got to be quite heavy after three long hours) until his eyewitness account for what had happened was allowed in the courtroom.

Remus had brought Harry, not only because he wasn't willing to put him in the care of anyone else until the issue of guardianship was taken care of, mainly because he had been thinking of something that could help Sirius win his freedom and his godson. The Marauders had to stick together after all, and if Remus could just get the majority of the Wizengamot to vote how he wanted them to...

When, finally, Remus was asked to enter the courtroom, he brought Harry with him, despite the Aurors telling him taking a baby in wasn't necessary. Remus saw Sirius's head turn at the mention of who was coming in (the Veritaserum had been removed from his system), and the face of the man on trial smiled like said trial was already won. Upon seeing his godfather for the first time in five days, Harry's entire face lit up, especially his eyes, and he held out his arms to Sirius.

"Sirwus!" he called out happily, ignoring the many unfamiliar faces that filled the room.

The first thing Moony did, before even addressing the Wizengamot, he placed Harry into his godfather's lap. It was an action that shocked most of the courtroom (especially because Sirius's arms were chained and unable to hold the baby if he was beginning to fall), but when little Harry snuggled up to Sirius and grasped his godfather's robes in his hands, burying his face into the robes, most of the Wizengamot (well, the witches of it) lost their looks of shock.

"Now, _Mr._ Lupin, with the events regarding the case of Black, answer truthfully the following questions," Runcorn (who was in charge of the trial) began.

"Excuse me, Mr. Runcorn," one of the Wizengamot witches said as she stood, "but nothing anyone says is now going to convince me that this man has done anything to harm this child. I'm a mother of four, and I understand how children behave. No child would act the way that child is towards any person who has done them the severe harm that Black is accused of bestowing upon The Boy Who Lived."

Runcorn (for one) did _not_ look happy as the witch's speech was acknowledged with nods of agreement from many, if not most, of the Wizengamot. There weren't many who could resist a baby (especially the baby that happened to be the savior of their world) after all. (Besides, James always said his son would be a charmer; though Remus doubted this was what James had been thinking of at the time.)

"Well," Crouch said (being the first of the three most opposed to the witch's speech to recompose himself), "this trial is not to judge only Black's treatment of the Potter boy, but his service to the He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named as well."

"How many times do I need to tell you I'm _not_ a _Death Eater_," Sirius said, trying his best to keep control over his mouth in front of his godson. Oddly enough, it was a voice in the back of his mind that sounded suspiciously like Lily that kept his tongue in line that time.

"Let's hear what the witness has to say. Shall we?" Runcorn said, in such a way that suggested he was ignoring Sirius's comment.

Remus was about to open his mouth to speak when the door to the courtroom opened once more, and Severus Snape (known as "Snivellus" to the Marauders) walked in.

If, at that moment, the day could have gotten worse, Sirius didn't know how. (He had never been too optimistic when he thought of this trial.)

Remus was about to speak again when he was cut off by Runcorn.

"You're speaking out of order, Lupin."

"Excuse me?" Remus asked levelly, resisting the urge to add a Maraud-ish phrase to the end of his question.

"A new policy has recently been enacted regarding trials and witnesses," Crouch informed the room. "Werewolves may not provide witness information in any court case that does not directly relate to their own kind."

Remus was too shocked to speak. He had expected times to get harder for him because the new Minister had such prejudices, but this... this. He couldn't provide testimony on behalf of his last friend's innocence! What would James think if his best friend landed life in Azkaban because of his, Moony's, "furry little problem"? And Harry... what would happen to Harry if Sirius couldn't take care of him? Remus doubted he'd ever see the boy again.

Sirius was appalled that anyone could even think of treating people the way the Ministry was treating Remus. But he had to hold his tongue about it. Not only was his godson in his lap, but his trial was in progress. If he mucked it up now, this might be the last time he saw Harry until he was old enough to be allowed to visit Azkaban.

Standard questions were asked to Snape for the benefit of the Wizengamot. Then, "Why are you here today, Mr. Snape?"

"Professor Dumbledore asked me to give some evidence in favor of Black's case," Snape answered as if he were doing nothing more than talking to an acquaintance he passed on the street.

"And that would be?"

Snape seemed to be resisted the urge to sigh and out and even roll his eyes. "As is known, I was once a Death Eater in the Dark Lord's service. The Dark Lord would mark each of his followers with _this_:" He rolled up the sleeve on his left arm and showed the room a horrible, black tattoo of a skull and snake. The Dark Mark. Pulling the sleeve back down, he continued. "Were Black in the service of the Dark Lord, he would have the same mark on his left arm that you have just seen. The Dark Lord made quite certain that it could never be removed." And with that, Snape left as if he had done nothing out of the ordinary. 

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**_A/N: In case you're wondering, the Wolf's Bane Potion has not yet been invented. And Snape is not, at this moment in time, a professor at Hogwarts._**

I know this may not seem like the best place to end a chapter, but that's pretty much the end of the trial, all that's really left is for them to check for the Dark Mark on Sirius and pass a verdict.


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

November 10, 1981

Ministry of Magic, London

The Wizengamot was silenced by Snape's "display", but wether that silence was the result of shock or disgust at what the ex-Death Eater was branded with was uncertain. Dumbledore looked to be the only one who wasn't stunned by the evidence, but he had also known Severus was going to show the Dark Mark.

"Yes, well. . ." The Minister cleared his throat. "The left arm, did he say?"

"That would be correct, Minister," Dumbledore answered.

Remus guessed what was coming, and picked Harry up off of Sirius's lap. The child snuggled close to him after he noticed the amount of people gathered in the room. He had never been around many people at once (what with Voldemort trying to kill him and all), and it was apparent that Harry didn't inherit his father's love of being the center of attention - or anywhere near it.

Scrimgeour, being the Head of the Aurors, went to loosen the chains around Sirius's left arm on Crouch's orders. Sirius resisted the urge to spit in the man's eye. Scrimgeour slowly held up Sirius's bare forearm for the courtroom to see, then chained it back to the chair.

Runcorn looked to Crouch for instruction, but the Minister seemed to angry to speak. The strongest bit of evidence the court had been presented with yet had helped prove the innocence of the man he was trying to convict. After looking to see the scribe of the trial had written everything down, Runcorn addressed the Wizengamot.

"With the last of the evidence presented, will all those who believe the accused, Sirius Orion Black, innocent of Death Eater charges raise your hands?"

Sirius held his breath as the hands went up. A few instantly, and more slowly followed. Not long after, nearly three-fourths of the Wizengamot had their hands in the air.

Crouch and Scrimgeour shared a sour look as Runcorn continued, looking none too pleased himself.

"All those in favor of conviction?"

Not even a dozen people believed Sirius to be guilty.

"It seems," Dumbledore said, rising as the voters put down their hands, "that the Wizengamot has come to a decision: Sirius Black, is innocent."

Sirius let out the breath he had been holding as the chains on the chair undid themselves. Shakily, Sirius stood as the Wizengamot began to disassemble. He made his way to Remus and Harry, and took his godson from his friend. He held Harry close, not entirely believing they would be going home soon instead of him going back to Azkaban and Harry going Merlin only knew where.

"Mr. Black."

Sirius turned to see Dumbledore standing behind him. "Yes, sir?"

"I believe that the issue of the Potters' will is now at hand, including the custody arrangement for Harry."

"I can keep him, right?" Sirius asked, holding on to Harry even tighter, feeling the fear of losing his godson creep up on him.

Dumbledore sighed. "Lily and James stated in their will that, were anything to happen to them, you would be granted full guardianship over their son. However, there is another option I'd like to discuss with you."

Before waiting for the Headmaster to continue, as Sirius could see he obviously was going to, Sirius cut in. "I like the first option just fine, thanks."

"Sirius, these are matters regarding Harry's safety--"

"I can keep him safe without-- I'm not letting anyone take him from me, Albus!" Sirius hadn't shouted, but his tone very well suggested his desire to.

"Very well, Sirius, as I'm sure you know, the decision is yours."

Sirius nodded, looking at the child in his arms. His godson had always meant the world from him, since the day Harry was, Sirius couldn't have loved him more. He'd never leave Harry, especially not by willingly giving him up. Harry was all he had left of Lily and James now, too.

-6-2-9-5-7-4-1-0-3-8-

All that was left was for the custody papers to be signed. Sirius had said he wanted Remus to act as witness, but Crouch said that wasn't a possibility because of the new werewolf restriction laws. (The list of things on those restrictions was growing by the day.) Remus had to discreetly stomp on Sirius's foot to keep him from doing anything that would cause more trouble than it was worth.

Dumbledore (who would be signing as witness instead), being the Chief of the Wizengamot, apologized to Remus for the new anti-werewolf laws, and warned that there may be more in the near future. Unfortunately though, he was powerless to stop it from happening.

Remus didn't voice any response to that, he simply nodded as Sirius (carrying Harry) and Dumbledore entered the room, leaving Remus alone with his thoughts. He had guessed that with the new rises to greater power within the Ministry, laws like the most recent ones passed would begin to become more common, but it was slightly frightening how fast they were being approved. He had been asked to give evidence in Sirius's trial that morning, but by the time the trial came around, for him to present evidence was no longer legal. Although he would never admit it, Remus was growing rather apprehensive about what new restrictions created from prejudice would show up next. He couldn't help but wonder if he would one day be as high up on the Ministry's most wanted list as some Death Eaters for just being a werewolf. Remus shook his head to rid it of those thoughts. Sirius had just exited the room, looking happier than Remus had ever seen him since the day of Harry's birth. There were happier things to think of at the moment, and, with everything that had so recently been happening, Remus wanted to relax and enjoy life a little before he started dwelling on everything negative that couldn't be avoided.

Amesbury

Although he was hesitant to leave him, Sirius put Harry to bed in his crib at his house (the defense spells that had been protecting it replaced and strengthen by Dumbledore during Sirius's stay at Azkaban), and went to talk to Remus.

"Thanks, Moony," he said sincerely to the only other Marauder left.

"For what?" Remus asked.

"For everything, you know, with Harry. If you hadn't have watched him, I don't know if I'd have ever gotten him back." That was truly Sirius's greatest fear: losing Harry like he had Lily and James. And it showed in his voice.

"You would have. You're innocent, and James. . ." Remus let his sentence trail off. It was still hard thinking about his murdered best mate, let alone talking about him.

Sirius nodded, staring intently at the floor, allowing his curtain of hair to veil his face to Remus wouldn't see the tear that entered his eye at hearing Prongs's name. Without realizing what he was doing, Sirius leaned against the wall, but quickly straightened himself, letting out a hiss of pain.

Remus looked at him oddly.

"What?" Sirius asked, irritated that he could have forgotten why leaning against a wall would have been a bad idea.

"Maybe that's a question you should answer."

"And maybe it isn't."

"Sirius."

Sirius sighed. He never liked keeping things from Moony; the Marauder always had a way of making him feel guilty about it without even bringing the subject up. Then of course, the guilt about keeping something important hidden would get to the point where it was near impossible not to tell Remus what he wanted to know in the first place, even though by that time he had (more often than not) found it out from somebody else. That fact didn't stop Sirius from having to tell Remus what he inquired about to make the guilty feeling go away though.

In this case, Sirius just decided it would be easier for everyone involved if he skipped over that entire process and just told Remus what he wanted to know.

"You know all the new laws they've been passing? Well, you'll be glad to know they don't all concern werewolves," Sirius said darkly, a shadow of something that Remus didn't recognize passing behind his eyes.

Realization dawned on the werewolf's face. "You've got to be joking."

Sirius snorted in response to Remus's disbelieving remark.

"Aren't you going to _do_ something about this?" Remus all but shouted, almost wondering why at least one of the persons responsible wasn't lying half-dead in St. Mungo's at the least. It was too close to the full moon to be thinking about things like this; he could feel the wolf instincts inside of him rise to the point where he wanted to rip out the throat of the person who hurt his friend that way. Of course, the fact that Remus had no doubt the man behind it all was Crouch didn't help.

Sirius glanced at his godson's partially open bedroom door. "Not if it could mean losing him. Remus, I. . . If they. . . I just can't lose him. I won't do anything that might. . . I can't lose him."

Remus understood what Sirius was trying to say. Sirius loved Harry enough to be the boy's father, he always had, and Sirius wasn't going to let anything stand in the way of his guardianship over Harry.

"So, um," Sirius said, trying to change the subject. "Are you going to stay for the full moon, or is that tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," Remus answered. "Either way, I'll be heading back to my place. I don't want to be around Harry during my transformation."

Sirius nodded, not really wanting a full-fledged werewolf around his godson either; but since his best mate was that full-fledged werewolf, he wasn't going to voice that preference. "All right then. See ya later, Moony."

"Night, Padfoot."

London sewer

Peter Pettigrew, in the form of Wormtail the rat, was truly terrified at this moment. For the past few days, he had been thinking over his options, but that wasn't turning out too well for him. Not only did he not have many options, but he had never been good at planning a course of action, that had always been Sirius and James. Remus would point out any potential flaws and come up with ways to fix them. Peter had only tagged along, being the reason the prank they had planned messed up more than a few times.

Peter came (after many tedious hours of thinking) to the conclusion that he could beg Dumbledore for forgiveness and hope for a second chance, try to get a fellow Death Eater to hide him, seek out his fallen master (whom he heard rumor was still alive somewhere), or live out the rest of his life as a sewer rat.

In his first plan, Peter was fairly certain that Sirius, possibly with Remus's help, would see that he wasn't breathing long enough to speak with Dumbledore, and wasn't entirely sure that Dumbledore even would be willing to help him out. In his second option, Peter thought that if any Death Eaters blamed him for You-Know-Who's downfall, well, it wouldn't end up being too good for him. And his last option really wasn't an option, since Peter hated it down in the sewers; there was no way he'd be able to spend the rest of his life there in the dark, damp, and disgusting place. The only choice left for him to take was to search for the fallen Lord Voldemort. With any luck, he would be grateful to Peter for finding him, and Peter wouldn't be punished for Voldemort meeting his downfall with the information Peter had provided.

But either way, setting out to find Voldemort was the only real option that Peter Pettigrew was left with, at least in his mind.

* * *

**_A/N: Short chapter, I know. I'll try to make the next one longer._**


	7. Chapter Six and One Half

_**A/N: This is sort of a "mini-chapter". The subject doesn't continue well enough to be tied into the next chapter (and it's not really long enough to compare to this story's other chapters), and I'm fairly certain there will be more of these "mini-chapters"; this is my way of organizing them into the story.**

* * *

_

Chapter Six and One Half

**November 12, 1981**

Amesbury

Remus sat on a couch in Sirius's living room massaging his head. Spending last night's full moon alone on top of everything else that had so recently happened did a number on Remus's body, especially his head... As well as some of his home furnishings, like the bathroom door.

Harry was currently napping upstairs; his godfather had worn him out by taking him for a broom ride in the backyard. Sirius came in from the kitchen and handed his friend a warm mug of tea.

"Here, I spiked it with a mild Pepper-Up," he said.

The werewolf murmured his thanks and took the ceramic mug, drinking deeply. With a heavy sigh, Moony placed the half-empty mug on the coffee table in front of him and leaned his head back on the couch, lightly closing his eyes.

"Um, Moony?" Sirius sat in a recliner facing the couch, a nervous, uncertain expression dominating his young features.

Remus gave a "hm" as response to let the Animagus know he was listening, but didn't open his eyes or move from his relatively comfortable position.

"I was wondering, uh, how long do you plan on staying?"

Lupin popped open a tired eye and glanced at Sirius curiously. "What. . . you mean?" he asked in a hoarse, scratchy voice that his throat desperately wished to be rid of. The wish of his throat caused Remus to give a harsh cough, forcing him to sit up straighter and reach for his mug of tea and potion.

"Well. . ." Padfoot trailed off, glancing behind himself, towards the stairs, up which his godson lay napping. What he had to say he didn't want to admit, even to his best friend, but he was more determined than anything to put what was best for Harry before everything else. "I. . . I don't know. . ." Sirius fiddled with his thumbs, staring blankly at the floor between his feet. "I don't if, um. . . if I can raise Harry."

Remus looked at him in disbelief, as Sirius glanced up with shame and guilt evident on his face. "What do you mean 'you can't raise Harry'?" he asked slowly, his voice sounding more like it normally would after the soothing concoction had made its way down his throat.

"Remember. . . remember when James asked me to be his godfather?" Sirius continued. He waited for a nod from Remus to go on. "Well, I don't know if you saw, but. . . Lily, um, she. . . she looked at me as though she didn't think I could, you know, take of Harry. Like she didn't approve of me being his godfather. . . and, I don't know--"

"Sirius, stop."

The wizard addressed looked up, and Remus could see that he was trying to control his emotions while remembering this particular event involving the mother of his godson.

"Sirius. . . you're a great godfather. Harry adores you--"

"There's more to it than that!" Sirius exclaimed indignantly, standing up. He paced for a moment or so, running a hand through his long hair and trying to collect his thoughts. "Lily--"

"Lily hardly trusted herself to leave James alone with Harry; Sirius, you know that."

Whether or not Sirius did know that, he didn't know. All he knew was that the mother of the child he loved more than anyone else didn't trust him to raise her son. Was there something about the parenting business that he had missed? Did she fear that he, Sirius Black, would in some way unintentionally screw her baby up? Harry's life was going to be difficult enough as it was: He was marked by a Dark Lord not two weeks ago, his parents were dead, the wizarding world considered him to be a savior of sorts; Sirius didn't want to do something stupid that would end up making his godson's life even harder. But he couldn't live without Harry in his life either. . .

"Personally, mate, I don't think Prongs and Lily could have made a better choice when they named you godfather."

Sirius' head snapped up as Moony's words brought him out of his thoughts. "You sure about that?" he asked quietly.

Remus placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Sirius, Harry has just somehow defeated the greatest Dark wizard of this age; there are only a handful of people left who are going to overlook that and see Harry Potter and not The Boy Who Lived. I know, and I'm sure Lily and James did too, that no matter what happens, you'll always see Harry first and foremost as your godson, not some celebrity hero savior; you're not going to use him because of his fame, you love him just for being Harry; and that's the most James and Lily could have hoped for."

Placing his head in his hands, the Animagus sat back down in silence, letting Remus' words sink in.

"I- I just. . ."

"If you were having all these doubts, Padfoot, what were you thinking when you decided to exclude yourself from society for those five days?" Remus asked patiently. "You've done great thus far, why would you be worried? It's not like you haven't spent time alone with Harry before. Whether you believe it or not, you do know what you're doing with him, as much as any parent could, at least."

Parent. . . How could he be Harry's parent? That was James' title, Lily's title; he was godfather, not father. But he was to assume the role of parent. . . Did that make him more like Harry's father than his godfather? That couldn't have been what James intended, could it have been?

Sirius swallowed thickly, running his hands down his face as he brought his head up, deep in thought. Eventually, after a moment of silence, the dark-haired wizard decided on ignoring his friend's second question and answering the first. "I can't lose him, Moony," he said solemnly, as the cries of an infant could be heard from the second landing. Slowly, Sirius pushed himself up and headed upstairs to comfort his godson.  



End file.
